Editorials and Opinion
A place where people you may or may not care about say things you may or may not want to hear and may or may not be just written off the top of their heads
A Letter From CRNI's Art Director
6/16/14
I am writing today to address a very pressing matter at hand, the new CRNI spiny globe... thing. Ever since its first appearance on the 404 page I have received countless letters explaining to me that the earth actually rotates in the opposite direction. I feel it necessary to address this issue now for two major reasons. One the letter hurt my feelings and make me cry, also hit-men to take out the senders are getting expensive. Secondly the Lead correspondent told me that they might have to "let you go" unless I came up with an explanation. Now I am not exactly sure where I would be going but my hunch tells me that it would be back in the basement with the other corespondents.
Anyways to the point on hand. I propose to you that the earth rotating backwards is a symbol of how backwards and corrupt everything is, and not just an error in the sequencing of the gif file. The superimposed letters CRNI show how Cr News is above the world and the only true source of light on this planet. This is the symbolism I meant all along, totally, no joke. In fact I spent seven years planing the perfect way to express this feeling. In short, not a mistake, total a conscious idea, pleas don't let me go, and stop sending the mean letters or they will come for you.
I am writing today to address a very pressing matter at hand, the new CRNI spiny globe... thing. Ever since its first appearance on the 404 page I have received countless letters explaining to me that the earth actually rotates in the opposite direction. I feel it necessary to address this issue now for two major reasons. One the letter hurt my feelings and make me cry, also hit-men to take out the senders are getting expensive. Secondly the Lead correspondent told me that they might have to "let you go" unless I came up with an explanation. Now I am not exactly sure where I would be going but my hunch tells me that it would be back in the basement with the other corespondents.
Anyways to the point on hand. I propose to you that the earth rotating backwards is a symbol of how backwards and corrupt everything is, and not just an error in the sequencing of the gif file. The superimposed letters CRNI show how Cr News is above the world and the only true source of light on this planet. This is the symbolism I meant all along, totally, no joke. In fact I spent seven years planing the perfect way to express this feeling. In short, not a mistake, total a conscious idea, pleas don't let me go, and stop sending the mean letters or they will come for you.
A Letter From a Hobo
3/28/14
I don't understand all the hullabaloo about this. He threw a ******* bottle at me! I think he ******* deserves to be ************* punched.
Listen, as a member of the homeless underground, I think I demand a little respect from subservient beings. I don't know about you, but I've watched some of his acting. "How does a hobo get access to a TV," you ask.? ********* **** ***** ****** ****, that's how!
Anyway, I think the media is making much too big a deal about that punch I threw. That ******* actor fired the first shot! All is fair in war and war, am I ******** right?
So, CRNI, I think the story you ran is the best story that has been written about my supposed "aggressive" or "hostile" action, and you guys are the best paper in town for any hobo matters.
Keep up the *********** work!
-The Hobo who Punched Zac Efron
(Letter has been edited for content)
I don't understand all the hullabaloo about this. He threw a ******* bottle at me! I think he ******* deserves to be ************* punched.
Listen, as a member of the homeless underground, I think I demand a little respect from subservient beings. I don't know about you, but I've watched some of his acting. "How does a hobo get access to a TV," you ask.? ********* **** ***** ****** ****, that's how!
Anyway, I think the media is making much too big a deal about that punch I threw. That ******* actor fired the first shot! All is fair in war and war, am I ******** right?
So, CRNI, I think the story you ran is the best story that has been written about my supposed "aggressive" or "hostile" action, and you guys are the best paper in town for any hobo matters.
Keep up the *********** work!
-The Hobo who Punched Zac Efron
(Letter has been edited for content)
What the Fox Says
By The Fox
Many may assume that, as a member of the canine family and a native resident of the wilderness, I do not come in contact with internet sites such as YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. Many would assume that an animal such as myself would not bother themselves with the ramblings of the common man, woman or vlogger, or that I don't like to look at cute kittens. Perhaps people believe that I think of myself too highly to associate with the masses, who gather in beautiful, interconnected and loving communities such as Reddit, and the YouTube comments section. It is perhaps because of these assumptions that the Norwegian music group Ylvis felt it appropriate to make a music video entitled "The Fox", more commonly known as "What Does the Fox Say", since the song repeatedly inquires as to what the fox says, referring to this question as a mystery, the answer to which nobody knows.
While I do appreciate the musical and filmmaking talent of these individuals, I must say that I am disturbed by this video, because, despite what one might assume about foxes, I assure that I frequent these internet communities regularly to voice my opinions and I am perturbed that the public still will not listen to my calls for social and political reform. I have worked a significant portion of my life to get the word out about my plans to reform the government. Through Twitter and Reddit I have repeatedly called for an effort to get corporate money out of politics, and to root out corruption in our government. From the response I got I had thought that perhaps I could make a difference. My Reddit AMA was upvoted to the front page for two days in a row, and sat at my computer all night to answer the hundreds of insightful questions that this seemingly enthusiastic community asked me. My twitter and facebook accounts have thousands of dedicated followers who work tirelessly to spread my message of change. Even before this I was a key leader of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and I have spoken at Universities, conferences, even on CNN. But clearly this was not enough to make my voice heard.
I love this country, but everyday I see new examples, hear more sad stories about the horrific state our government is in. I see corruption running rampant, political gridlock, and crazy people being elected because of unlimited corporate funds. I see financial inequality growing out of control as the top 1% make 95% of income gains while the lower class get poorer each day. I have worked my tail off to change this society. I hand out leaflets, write blogs, I even write editorials in stupid news sites nobody even reads. But still, the public cannot hear me. They think I say Ring-ding-ding-d-ding! No! I say appeal the Citizens United ruling! I don't say Wap-pa-pa-pow or Hatee-hatee-ho, I say stricter punishments for Big Banks and corruption in government! I don't say yoff-choff-choff, I say less tax breaks for the rich, and more effective benefits for the poor! What must I do to make my voice heard? Never in my life have I said chacha-chacha-chow, but judging by how well the public seems to listen to me, perhaps I might as well.
But I will not give up, this Fox will be heard. I will reevaluate my public outreach techniques, and I will double my efforts to get the word out. This video was a wake up call for me. While it was disheartening and discouraging, I will not give up my fight for a better America. I just love my country too much to do that. That, my friends, is what the fox says.
While I do appreciate the musical and filmmaking talent of these individuals, I must say that I am disturbed by this video, because, despite what one might assume about foxes, I assure that I frequent these internet communities regularly to voice my opinions and I am perturbed that the public still will not listen to my calls for social and political reform. I have worked a significant portion of my life to get the word out about my plans to reform the government. Through Twitter and Reddit I have repeatedly called for an effort to get corporate money out of politics, and to root out corruption in our government. From the response I got I had thought that perhaps I could make a difference. My Reddit AMA was upvoted to the front page for two days in a row, and sat at my computer all night to answer the hundreds of insightful questions that this seemingly enthusiastic community asked me. My twitter and facebook accounts have thousands of dedicated followers who work tirelessly to spread my message of change. Even before this I was a key leader of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and I have spoken at Universities, conferences, even on CNN. But clearly this was not enough to make my voice heard.
I love this country, but everyday I see new examples, hear more sad stories about the horrific state our government is in. I see corruption running rampant, political gridlock, and crazy people being elected because of unlimited corporate funds. I see financial inequality growing out of control as the top 1% make 95% of income gains while the lower class get poorer each day. I have worked my tail off to change this society. I hand out leaflets, write blogs, I even write editorials in stupid news sites nobody even reads. But still, the public cannot hear me. They think I say Ring-ding-ding-d-ding! No! I say appeal the Citizens United ruling! I don't say Wap-pa-pa-pow or Hatee-hatee-ho, I say stricter punishments for Big Banks and corruption in government! I don't say yoff-choff-choff, I say less tax breaks for the rich, and more effective benefits for the poor! What must I do to make my voice heard? Never in my life have I said chacha-chacha-chow, but judging by how well the public seems to listen to me, perhaps I might as well.
But I will not give up, this Fox will be heard. I will reevaluate my public outreach techniques, and I will double my efforts to get the word out. This video was a wake up call for me. While it was disheartening and discouraging, I will not give up my fight for a better America. I just love my country too much to do that. That, my friends, is what the fox says.
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