CULTURE
Some people stay connected to what the hip kids are doing nowadays. I do not. This is where my in-touch, up-to-speed, current correspondents reside. Good luck interpreting whatever nonsense they're speaking in the 21st Century.
Movie Star Attacked by Agent of the Homeless Underground
3/28/14
Recently, Zac Efron, star of such movies as <INSERT MOVIE NAMES HERE>, was assaulted by a ravenous bunch of "vagrants" in Skid Row of LA. This confrontation has been described as a "full-on melee" or even "mutual combat," and as a result there have been theories thrown around left and right about what the cause of such a conflict was. Many have claimed that Efron may have thrown an empty glass bottle at them while waiting for a tow truck, while others believe it may have been a drug deal gone wrong. In truth however, Efron was actually trying to sell National secrets to the Russians, and only with a clever sting operation from the Homeless Underground was able to stop him. Posing as Soviet foreign agents, the homeless lured Efron into their back alleyway and offered money (hobo nickles) for the information that Efron had promised. Then, as he was handing over the secret USB drive, Efron noticed that one of the homeless was wearing an American flag pin. Because of this, Efron attacked, and the homeless responded in kind, engaging in a full-on fight ending with an unconscious Efron and fellow traitors and the Homeless agents being incarcerated by the local authorities.
Clearly, these Homeless agents have saved the nation, and especially the agent who punched Efron in the face should be praised as a national hero.
Recently, Zac Efron, star of such movies as <INSERT MOVIE NAMES HERE>, was assaulted by a ravenous bunch of "vagrants" in Skid Row of LA. This confrontation has been described as a "full-on melee" or even "mutual combat," and as a result there have been theories thrown around left and right about what the cause of such a conflict was. Many have claimed that Efron may have thrown an empty glass bottle at them while waiting for a tow truck, while others believe it may have been a drug deal gone wrong. In truth however, Efron was actually trying to sell National secrets to the Russians, and only with a clever sting operation from the Homeless Underground was able to stop him. Posing as Soviet foreign agents, the homeless lured Efron into their back alleyway and offered money (hobo nickles) for the information that Efron had promised. Then, as he was handing over the secret USB drive, Efron noticed that one of the homeless was wearing an American flag pin. Because of this, Efron attacked, and the homeless responded in kind, engaging in a full-on fight ending with an unconscious Efron and fellow traitors and the Homeless agents being incarcerated by the local authorities.
Clearly, these Homeless agents have saved the nation, and especially the agent who punched Efron in the face should be praised as a national hero.
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